You’re Probably Wrong about Exposure Therapy

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“Exposure therapy” is one of those mental health terms that we’ve diluted over time. It’s right up there with “trauma bonding” and “overstimulation.” And before you blame TikTok for this, you should know that we’ve been misusing the term since before TikTok even existed. Once humans find a way to ruin a mental health term, we tend to run with it, no matter what technology we have or don’t have. 

And that’s too bad. Because exposure therapy can be super helpful for people with OCD and different types of anxiety disorders. Those misconceptions can prevent people from getting the help they need and deserve. Wondering if you’re wrong about exposure therapy? If so, that’s understandable. There’s a lot of misinformation out there. Let’s clear up some misconceptions and find out. 

Exposure Therapy is a Type of Therapy 

This one should be obvious, since it’s right there in the name. And yet, here we are. 

Exposure therapy is a type of therapy, like talk therapy or EMDR.  It’s a modality, not something that you just do. Now, you might use exposure therapy techniques on yourself. You may take actions that are inspired by exposure therapy. But true exposure therapy requires a client and a trained, professional therapist. It’s like how venting to a friend can be therapeutic, but it’s not actually talk therapy. 

With exposure therapy, the therapist exposes the client to the source of their fear. They do it in a controlled, safe environment. The goal is to reduce the client’s fear response. Over time, as the client gets used to the source of their fear, that source should become less scary. 

Sometimes You DON’T Get Right Back on the Horse 

This might be the biggest misconception about exposure therapy. People assume that it means throwing yourself into the scariest situations imaginable, and doing it over and over again until you go numb to it. Scared of driving? Then get on the turnpike during rush hour. Afraid of heights? Your first assignment is skydiving. Understandably, this deters a lot of people. But fortunately, this isn’t actually how exposure therapy works. 

Now, there is one type of exposure therapy called flooding therapy. This one does involve real-life exposure to fear, and it starts with the patient’s biggest fear rather than a smaller one. But it’s not the only type of exposure therapy out there. 

The other type of exposure therapy is more gradual. Let’s say that a client is afraid of driving. Instead of making the client drive in heavy traffic right away, the therapist might just have the client imagine driving. Then, the client might practice sitting in the driver’s seat without starting the car. After that, they may get used to driving around the block. Over time, the client gets desensitized to each new step until they could drive on the turnpike during rush hour. Not that anyone would want to, but if they must, it would be do-able. 

Coping Techniques Come First 

Here’s the other problem with the “just jump right in!” conventional wisdom. It doesn’t include coping techniques. Without healthy coping strategies, asking yourself to face your fears is like taking a test without studying. You may be able to B.S. your way through some of it, but you’re going to do a lot better if you know what you’re doing first. 

See, exposure therapy doesn’t just expose clients to their fears. First, it teaches them how to respond to those fears. Clients learn breathing techniques, grounding techniques, and other strategies that they can use during exposure. 

And that’s the entire point. It’s not just about facing your fears. It’s about facing your fears and having the tools to respond to them. Without those tools, you might just make yourself even more afraid. And as you can imagine, that’s the exact opposite of the goal. 

It’s Not Just for Phobias 

Exposure therapy can be great for people with phobias. But did you know that it has other uses, too? It can help people with OCD confront their obsessions. It can help people with PTSD confront triggers. There are all kinds of uses for exposure therapy. 

You are Not Your Partner’s Therapist 

If you only take one thing away from this post, let it be this: You are not your partner’s therapist. You do not get to decide when another person needs exposure therapy. And you have no business using “exposure therapy” on someone else without their consent. 

Raise your hand if you already guessed that this was inspired by Reddit. 

Exposure therapy is not for women whose (hopefully) exes think they wear too much makeup. It’s not a way to make somebody’s quirks less inconvenient for someone else. It’s not an opportunity for you to trigger somebody else on purpose. It’s a type of therapy. And like all legitimate therapy, its purpose is to improve the life of the person receiving it. 

Again, it can only be performed by trained professionals. Because trained professionals know how to respond when the distress becomes too much. It’s planned, it takes place in a safe and controlled environment, and there is no actual danger involved. It is not something that you do for your partner because you thought, “Hey, maybe I’ll try this and see if it works.” 

Also? In exposure therapy, the client knows that they are receiving exposure therapy because they have consented to receiving exposure therapy. 

If you can’t get that through your head, then yes, YTA.