Why Doesn’t Deep Breathing Work for Me?

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When you’re looking for anxiety advice, is there anything more irritating than someone telling you to take deep breaths? You know, that really easy thing that’s the first option everyone tries? Why yes, you must be the first person who didn’t try that advice first. 

If you’ve already tried that, you might be in the same boat I was in: feeling frustrated and wondering: “WHY doesn’t deep breathing work for me?” 

If you’re like me, there could be a few reasons why deep breathing techniques aren’t helping you the way they should. One, you may have accidentally used classical conditioning on yourself. Two, you might need further help. Or three, you could be dealing with frustration because your expectations are too high. 

Deep Breathing Doesn’t Help because of Classical Conditioning 

If you’re wondering why deep breathing doesn’t calm you down, you might be making one of the most common mistakes with deep breathing.

Remember learning about Pavlov’s dog in high school or college? 

Basically, Pavlov trained his dogs to associate the sound of a bell with the promise of food. He’d ring the bell every time he fed the dogs, and soon enough, the dogs would drool at the sound of the bell alone. Their brains had connected the sound and the food. 

Human brains do the same thing. If we do two things together often enough, our brains connect those two things. It’s why certain scents can instantly remind you of specific people, even if you haven’t seen them in years. 

What does this mean for your deep breathing practice? Well, when do you take deep breaths? Do you do it regularly, or just when you feel like you need to? 

If it’s the second one, you might have accidentally performed classical conditioning on yourself. Your brain has played the role of both Pavlov AND the dog. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I did the same thing. I only used my breathing exercises when I was already nervous, so my brain decided that deep breathing and fear must go together. And then I was left wondering: “Why doesn’t deep breathing work for me?”

Well, the good news is that deep breathing works for me now. You can unlearn that connection. Try making a daily habit of deep breathing instead. The first several times, you may feel nervous thanks to that learned association. But once your brain starts to undo that connection, the nerves should go away, and you should start seeing the benefits. 

Deep Breathing Doesn’t Work because You Need Extra Help 

Maybe deep breathing does work for you, but only a little bit. Maybe it feels like you’re trying to put out a fire with a teaspoon of water. It’s not that the water doesn’t help, it’s just that it’s not enough on its own. 

That’s okay. Taking deep breaths is a great tool for nervousness, but maybe you’re not just dealing with run-of-the-mill nerves. Maybe you’re in full-on fear mode. 

If that’s the case, you may need some extra help. Start by talking to a doctor or therapist. If your fear is interfering with your life, a professional might recommend options like medication, therapy techniques, or a combination of choices. 

Deep Breathing Doesn’t Work because Your Expectations are too High 

You also might just be putting too much pressure on your breathing practice. In my experience, deep breathing is wonderful but not a miracle cure. 

I would take my deep breaths, expect them to fix everything, and then get very frustrated when they didn’t. So then I was dealing with added tension from the frustration. 

Don’t get me wrong, now that I’ve un-coupled it from nervousness, it’s still one of my favorite tools to use. I just don’t expect miracles from it. I enjoy the relief that I do get, and then I allow that relief to help. 

I also combine it with other techniques, like the ones I wrote about in my book on beating audition nerves. And of course, I still benefit from therapy. 

What to Do When Deep Breathing Doesn’t Help

If you’re not experiencing deep breathing benefits, there are plenty of stress management techniques you can use for nervous system regulation.

That said, if you think that your anxiety goes beyond everyday stress, talk to a doctor or therapist. There’s nothing wrong with needing some extra help, especially if you’re dealing with a possible anxiety disorder.

I also highly recommend that you bring your deep breathing exercises into your day-to-day routine rather than waiting until you’re already stressed.

If you want even more resources that go beyond stress relief breathing, you can look for some deep breathing alternatives. Some effective relaxation techniques include meditation, visualization, deep pressure therapy, and movement. Again, try to work these techniques into your daily routine rather than waiting until you feel stressed out.

Final Thoughts on Deep Breathing Techniques

Nerves tend to show up at the worst possible moments. Deep breathing can help you slow down and connect with the decision-making part of your brain. It’s frustrating when it doesn’t work, but with the techniques above, you can make deep breathing work for you again. 

P.S. —- If you’re looking for more anti-nervousness tips, check out the book I wrote on this very subject. I wrote it primarily for actors and singers, but the tips are also useful for social anxiety, public speaking, and plenty of other situations.